WTF?!? of the Day

"I thought we were going to win best rock video, but you just can't beat those Green Day people," said Brandon Flowers, lead singer for The Killers, who won for best new artist. (See The Killers Suck)
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? Thank you Brandon Flowers for giving me another reason to hate you and your band.

If any of you have missed the other reasons, here's a recap:

• Their tour manager got in a fight with Josh from the Secret Machines at the Mtv $2 Bill performance, plus the Secret Machines deserve to be more famous the Killers (or the Murderers, as Hillary Duff would call them).
• They suck (have I mentioned that already?) so much that I thought I was going to die when I was forced to listen to them at a performance in which they played after Interpol. (Yet another band who should be selling way more records than the Killers.)
• Brandon Flowers walks around like he's God. (And I thought those religious types were supposed to be humble.)
• Brandon Flowers looks bad in eyeliner. Now that's hard to do. Jackass.

Why do people like this band?

VMA's Proves Mtv Still Sucks

She said "sucks." Hehehehe. That was by far one of the highlights, in a show practically made up of low points, last night at the Mtv Video Music Awards, the not so triumphant return of Beavis and Butthead. Word is not everyone thinks they're as funny as I do.

Honestly, I didn't watch the whole show. (HBO Sundays! Let's hug it out bitch!) Although, I can't say I'm sorry and I doubt I'll be watching the whole thing anytime soon. Mtv has the whole thing online cut up so one can watch whatever they want.

Two out the three performances I caught I changed the channel to Fuse. First was disaster Mariah Carey. I watched long enough to see if maybe her boobs would fall out of her dress or something, but you could tell she was thinking the same thing because it made her performance look even more awkward than the hideous dress she was wearing.

Next abomination I saw was 50 Cent. I know I'm going to hell for this, but the dude looks like he belongs in the Special Olympics. I know he's gotten shot in the face 7 times, blah, blah, blah... I just don't care. If I don't have to look at him I can maybe enjoy his music. I don't even want to think about that movie he's in, I think I'll have to shoot myself in the face before I see that disaster when it comes out. Thanks a lot Eminem! And to think I actually liked you.

Kelly Clarkson was awesome. There were a couple of technical difficulties with her finale performance, but that girl kicks ass. She may not be at that Gwen Stefani level, but give her 10 years and maybe she'll grow into herself. I am no longer ashamed to covet her album. I'm definitely buying it after I get paid.

Listening to Kevin and Bean this morning I heard about a couple of horrifying incidents I may have to go back and watch. First, that R. Kelly thing. Whoa. What is wrong with that guy? I think he's actually dying to come "out of the closet." After all that's where he's stuck. Kevin and Bean also played the Hillary Duff/Joel Madden Killers intro. I know it was pre-written, but I want to kick her. I hope you're thoroughly embarrassed Joel. Maybe her acting's not as good as her singing, eh buddy?

I'll probably go back and watch My Chemical Romance's performance and Green Day's opener. I'm sure they're the only truly hope inspiring things of the whole show, which hasn't been cool since 1992/93 anyway. Screw you, Mtv. I'm over it.

Fair Warning NYC...

Which hot NYC indie rocker playing a sold out show at the Greek on Sept 20th just bought a bar in NYC? According to my sources, Paul Banks of Interpol and Jason Baron, co-owner of the Darkroom, have just bought a bar in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. What makes this even more interesting is that at the last second they allegedly outbid David Cross, the Strokes Albert Hammond, Jr. and NYC scenester Counter Clockwise. If I thought there was an imaginary feud between the Strokes and Interpol, it's real now. Either way this place is going to be an insane den of hedonism. It could potentially Live up to Andy Warhol's Factory or the Mud Club (although Baron doesnt believe in lists). The bar boasts two levels of dance floor mayhem, a stage, a dj booth that is out of reach to the average Carlos D groupie, and a private VIP room high above the action. No, I will not get you in. The Drunk Groupie has first hand experience with these boys and I only expect the very best. I can't wait to see what they do.

When good looking goes bad

I like bad music. I'll be the first to admit that I like some bands based of their looks and charisma, not necessarily musical talent. I have no argument for why My Chemical Romance is a good band except that I think the boys are really hot. Sometimes this gets to be a problem.

First, I find myself listening to Papa Roach's Last Resort on the radio the other day. This proves to be very confusing because I can't understand why I'm listening to a band whose live show had me covering my ears and burying my head in my lap in misery. Then I remember, "Oh yeah. Scars. Why can't they just play that?" What? Since when do I listen to, as I once called them, Papa's Crotch? Scars isn't really an amazing song. It's got a great hook, but so does that lame Fall Out Boy song and I hate that song. Then, as I think about Scars, I think about the video. "Damn, Jacoby looks good now." Ah-ha!
I think this is totally unfair. If lame boys in lame bands get fancy makeovers they make lame girls like me like them! I'm pretty sure that's what happened with MCR. It's all about the way they look in the It's Not Okay (I Promise) video and the video for Helena. Both videos are not unlike boy band videos or Blink 182 videos. Helena has dancing for gawd's sake.

This phenomenom can also come in reverse. There are plenty of guys I think are cute because I think they play amazing music. The first band that comes to mind is The Secret Machines. Their music is hot. The band members? Not so hot. I have had the biggest crushes on Brandon and Josh. Both are kind of unkempt and not traditionally good looking. (Although, they have since been attacked by man style genius Craig Robinson.) Another band that comes to mind is The Mars Volta, whom I believe trap a lot of us. Do you honestly think Cedric and Omar are attractive? Not in the traditional sense anyway.

Then I have my "what the fuck bands." A long list of bands that aren't good (by other people's standards) and aren't attractive at all (by anyone's standards). First, there's my brief, but ridiculous Korn phase. If anyone wants to attempt to explain that, be my guest. I saw Korn like 5 time in one year and as far as I can remember I enjoyed it. Huh? Then there's Marilyn Manson. He cancels himself out because some people will say he's a category one (I like his music because he's charismatic and stylish) and some people will say he's category two (I think he's attractive because his music has something). I haven't figured it out.

I guess the point of this rant is to thank the bands I like whom have never tricked me into listening to their music by being hot or tricked me into thinking they're attractive by playing good music. I appreciate not being lame all the time.

"We want to see about working with different people on this album, so we're going to put calls out to Dave Grohl and Trent Reznor and see if they want to get involved. And we're going to open the door to a whole bunch of people and see what they bring to the album," says Good Charlotte. See Good Charlotte Sucks
What, huh?
I hope they don't bring anything to your album! If hell freezes over and Trent even returns your phone calls I'll quit drinking and stop listening to music becaue my whole exsistence will be a joke. Not to mention the teen queen girlfriend of Joel Madden, a one Miss Hillary Duff. "If any girl will sing on our record, it'll be Hilary," Madden laughed. "I mean, Hilary's my favorite female singer. I love her voice. And I think she's the greatest singer today. But, of course, I'm a bit biased on that one." Well, if that's not enough to keep serious musicians away, I don't know what is. Hey, Josh. You should seriously think about disowning these two...

Colt 45 Dreams and Polaroid Wishes

I can only assume that everyone has at one time or another dreamt about a celebrity, be it good or bad. I, being the Drunk Groupie, tend to have lots of celebrity dreams. I've dreamt about everyone from David Bowie to Angelina Jolie. Anthony Kiedis tended to pop up a lot in high school. Hey, I've even had dreams about my best friend's celebrity crush whom I don't find attractive in the least.
Speaking of not being attracted to in the least, I had quite the disturbing subconscious meeting.
I have my clock radio tuned to the local hippity hop station in hopes that the voices of Africa will wake me. Well, I got my payback for this twisted way of thinking. This morning I had a rather disturbing dream about the Ying Yang Twins. All they were doing was WHISPERING! What the fuck? Who whispers a song? Not to mention, I was actually ATTRACTED to one those disturbing men in my dream. What is this world coming to?

Oh, To Blog About Blogs...

I love how everyone has a blog. It's as if narcissism is an infectious disease. Everyone thinks everyone else cares what they have to say. Somehow this narcissism has transcended itself into inane My Space bulletin posts as well. I am not immune to this phenomenon. Look what it has unleashed upon the world, my friends and my family. No one is safe. Consider yourself warned.